Sunday, February 8, 2009
A Broken Heart - and mixed emotions
This is very hard for me to write about right now, but I know I need to let everyone know that I am miscarrying. I started spotting again Friday night before I went to bed. I told Beau and called my mom, they both told me to just go to bed and see what is going on in the morning. I had been on a progesterone supplement and a side effect of getting off of that is bleeding so we were hoping that is what was going on. Well I woke up Saturday and the spotting/bleeding was progressively getting worse. I knew this couldn't be normal. So about 3:30 I go to the ER - with my friend Kerri, because Beau is still in pain and can't really get around. After a two and a half hour wait, I finally get in and waited about another hour for an ultrasound. Well there was a baby, but no heartbeat. I just broke down. I could see the little punkin, but I knew there was no heartbeat. I know that the Lord knows what he is doing, and this little baby is with Him now, but I just can't seem to understand why. I know this baby will never face any heart ache or never suffer, but I can't help but wish I could have carried and brought this baby into the world and loved it. I literally have a broken heart. Like I said, God has a plan and His plan was for this baby to not be with us. We are going to try to get through the next week or so, and talk about things, and hopefully try again. Thank you for all of your prayers and support during this trying time in our lives. Please keep us in your prayers. I do have a few new pics to post, I'll try to get that done soon. My mom is on her way out here to help and to go to the doctor with me. Once again, I just keep saying the verse "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11
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21 comments:
Ali, my heart just dropped when I saw the title on your post. I am so sorry. We are praying for you and your family. We love you!
I am soo sorry Allison. We will be praying for you and your family.
Ali, my heart breaks for what you have to go though too..... You will definately be in our prayers... We may not understand that reasons, but God has a bigger plan!
I am sorry for you and your family's loss Alison, I will be praying for all of you.
I'm so sorry Ali! There are no words to heal your pain right now, but just know that God has never left your side! He is with you always and will be there while you heal! Love you!!! I'll be praying hun!
I know sometimes things happen and we don't understand why but like the verse says "I know the plans I have for you" we just have to trust in the Lord and know that we may never understand. I will be praying for you as you heal.
Ali, I am so sorry...I will be praying for you and your family.
I am so sorry you and Beau have to go through this. But, in time you will understand the reason behind it all. Its awesome to hear you being so strong and keeping your faith.
Ali,
I'm so sorry to hear this. I will be praying and will try and call tommorow but if you don't feel like talking I understand. Love you!
Ali, I know that you have probably heard this poem a hundred times, but it has been very promising to me over the last couple years. There is nothing I can do or say to help you feel better... I know that. Just know that we are praying and that God is holding you now.
FOOTPRINTS IN THE SAND...
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from anguish,
sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints,
so I said to the Lord,
“ You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there has only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied,
“ The times when you have seen only one set of footprints,
my child, is when I carried you.”
--Author Mary Stevenson--
Ali,
My heart just aches for you at this difficult time in your life. I know you are a strong person and that you trust in the Lord with your whole heart, so I know He will carry you and your family through this. You guys are in our prayers!
Thank you all for your comments!! Once again I really appreciate them all and it is very encouraging to read them!! Thank you and you all mean a lot to me!!
Ali I am so sorry for the loss of your little one. I can't even imagine what you are going through. I knew you were having tests done previously and was thinking about you the whole time. Hoping and praying everything would be okay. It is hard but God has his plans...sometimes hard to handle. We will be thinking of you and your family!
Ali, i'm sooo sorry... We both know that life is not fair, but those words are much easier said than understood. I will be praying for you & Beau. I love you!!
Ali, My heart breaks for you. So much sadness. You aren't alone.. you have such wonderful family, a loving husband and gorgeous and sometimes mischievious little boy :) and some pretty great friends. We're here for you always. I'll wait and give you a call in a few days. Meanwhile, I'm sending as much love and prayers your way as I can. Love you
So incredibly sorry for your loss! I am praying for you and your family.
Ali,
Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. Losing a baby is one of the hardest things anyone should have to go through.Whether your 6 weeks or 40 weeks you will always share that connection with your baby. I know the constant pain and sadness that is filling your heart right now. Just keep your head up and take in all the love and prayers from everyone around you.
love
kaycee
ali, i just wanted to let you know that i have thought of you SO often over the past days since alicia told me.... i hope you are doing okay, or as okay as you can be anyway. i just wanted you to know that you're in my prayers.
Ali,
My heart grieves with you and Beau. I share in your sorrow and I hope you know you won't have to bear it alone.
Galatians tells us to bear each other's burdens and in this way we fulfill the law of Christ.
I will be in prayer for you all.
Ali--I'm so sorry to hear this, too. When I "talked" to you on facebook the other day, I had no idea. Hang in there--and we'll keep you in our prayers as well.
ali- my mom heard from your mom and i have been trying to get online to send you a msg or something... my heart breaks for you as well as for myself. it's so hard to lose a baby, no matter what stage of the pregnancy you are in. it is one year ago today (valentines day) that i had my miscarriage... february is just not my month... I know that God has a plan for us and his plan wasn't for Andon, or our other angel baby or yours to be here on earth was heartbreak. I am happy for them that they are at the feet of our sweet Jesus, but heartbroken for us who are still here on earth. We will see them again one day though sweet Ali. My heart is with you and I'm praying for you every day. God WILL bring us strength and healing, He promises that. It's okay to have questions, I know that I do, but I also know I don't have to have the answers, b/c in the end we'll all be together again. If you need ANYTHING, please let me know, I'm here, and will continue to pray for your precious family. LOVE YOU.
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